What to Call Your Favorite NBA Player in Chinese

Hat tip to Twitter’s Nick Kapur for providing the internet’s most essential content of the day with this epic thread:

A thread of Chinese internet nicknames for NBA players.

China is crazy for the NBA, but official sources use boring phonetic transcriptions, failing to take advantage of Chinese characters having both sound and meaning. Chinese netizens have "improved" on these official names.

— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) May 7, 2018

So many good ones. Since I’m from San Antonio let’s start with the obvious GOATs:

Manu Ginobili - 妖刀 "The Demon Blade"

Perhaps the coolest nickname of them all, Ginobili earned this moniker for his ability to slash to the hoop using tricky footwork like the Eurostep.

— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) May 7, 2018

Tim Duncan - 石佛 "The Stone Buddha"

Due to his perceived unemotional nature

— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) May 7, 2018

Vehicle nicknames!

Dirk Nowitzki is 德国战车, "The German Panzer Tank"

Tony Parker is 法国小跑车, "The Little French Sports Car"

— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) May 7, 2018

I realize he wasn’t only crucial for the Spurs, but good alt for Big Shot Bob here:

Robert Horry - 關鍵先生 "Mr. Crucial"

For his crucial shots in countless big games

— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) May 7, 2018

Some other notable retirees:

Kobe Bryant - 蜗壳 "Snail Shell"

Kobe is "Snail Shell" because it rhymes with "My [guy] Kobe."

When he was young they called him 小飞侠 or “Peter Pan” (literally "Little Flying Warrior") and at the end he became 唠嗑 (“Chatterbox, Gossip"), which rhymes with "Old Kobe."

— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) May 7, 2018

Shaquille O'Neal - 大鲨鱼 "The Giant Shark"

Derives from the fact that the first sound in the Chinese word for "shark" (shayu) sounds like the first sound in "Shaquille."

Toward the end of his career, he was frequently called "O'Fat" (奥胖) - a play on "O'Neal."

— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) May 7, 2018

Charles Barkley - 飞猪 "The Flying Pig"

Self-explanatory.

— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) May 7, 2018

Current playoff hopefuls:

Steph Curry - 库昊 "fucks the sky"

This is an extremely elaborate pun. One of Curry's phonetic names is 库里 (ku li) and the second character is a combination of the characters 日 ("sun") and 土 ("ground"). But 日 is also slang for "fuck." 1/3

— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) May 7, 2018

Given Curry's penchant for launching shots into the sky, Chinese netizens apparently felt it would be more apropos to name him "fucks the sky" instead of "fucks the ground," so they replaced "earth" (土) with "sky" (天) in the second character. 2/3

— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) May 7, 2018

Other common nicknames for Steph Curry include "Sprout God" (萌神) and "The Elementary School Student" (小学生), both playing on his diminutive stature. 3/3

— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) May 7, 2018

Lebron James - 小皇帝 "The Little Emperor"

A play on the English "King James" that is also a slang term for a "spoiled only child" under China's "One Child Policy"

Used more when Lebron was young but now mostly by Lebron haters. His fans prefer 詹皇 (Zhan Wang or "King James").

— Nick Kapur (@nick_kapur) May 7, 2018

So many other good ones. Find the full thread here, and preorder this man’s book, which has nothing at all to do with the NBA, here.

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Cover image: NBA.com

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