It’s that time of year again, guys. You know what I’m talking about.
That’s right, it’s the night of the magical annual meeting of the cowherd and weaver girl.
We even made you a romantic mixtape for the occasion. The Qixi Festival – or as it’s called by white people everywhere, Chinese Valentine’s Day – has been observed for thousands of years (maybe we should call our thing “Euro-Diasporic Qixi Festival”, given that we kind of just started it up like 200 years ago). It celebrates the one day each year, the seventh day of the seventh lunar month, where a flock of well-intentioned magpies assembles to form a bridge, reuniting the cowherd and the weaver girl (actually the daughter of a goddess) from their separate corners of the sky.
Whew, that’s a lot. We’re going to celebrate a different way, same way we do Valentine’s Day on our side of the world: by making you feel like a complete and utter failure in love.
Gaze upon the true, untainted love of 100 year-old Xiang Yongshan, and his spritely wife Wu Xi’An (101 years old):
The couple has been married for 81 years. Have you ever loved someone for 81 months? Probably not. Look at them holding each other for support on a quiet walk in the countryside. You’ll never have this.
Here they are holding their love token, a bronze bell. We’re actually not sure what that means, just directly reporting the text we found with the photo. The last love token you received was a Chipotle card for a free burrito, and it was expired. This love will never expire.
What do you have that these two don’t? Teeth. What do they have that you don’t? Eternal, burning flames of love and care for one another.
Wu is making a shoe, and Xiang just can’t get enough of it. Look how happy he is. Even with her shoemaking glasses, she’s still as beautiful to Xiang as the day they were married in 1936.
Enjoying a meal of tooth-optional bright, yellow soup with family. When you no longer have teeth, you’ll be enjoying this same soup with your eleven domestic shorthair cats.
Making her laugh. Meanwhile, you kids today are still swipin’ around on your Tinders and Tanders. Still got it, Xiang. Still got it.