Daily Drip

Chinese Convenience Store Robbery Attempt Goes Awry, Turns Into Farce


This guy had it all planned out. Buy a bottle of beer. Knock out clerk by smashing bottle over her head. Take cash from register. Profit.

And then reality said to him, “MMMM, nah.”

When do you think he realizes that all is not going to plan? When the female clerk takes the beer bottle over her head and, far from fainting, simply covers her head like a pro?

When a second employee — possibly the manager? — shows up and is like, “Hey, what’s going on?” And the man has to be like, “This is a hold-up! Give me your money!” And the manager looks around like, “A hold-up? With… a beer bottle?”

Or can it be that the full brunt of his stupidity, the utter hopelessness of this venture, doesn’t become apparent until this moment, when he steps on the counter and attempts to remove the cash from the register…

…attempts to remove the cash from the register…

…attempts to remove the cash…

…and eventually just says AwwwwFuckit:

You’ll notice that at the end, with a cash register in hand, this grizzled criminal still has the bearings to grab the sausages he purchased. I mean, they’re already bagged, might as well, right?

Crime is hard.

Does this deserve the Benny Hill treatment? You Bet this deserves the Benny Hill treatment.

Anthony Tao
Anthony Tao is a writer and editor in Beijing. You can read his published poems and other stories on anthonytao.com. He was Radii’s first editor-in-chief.
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